As my oldest daughter approaches the end of her high school years, sometimes my heart skips a beat because I’m overwhelmed with all of the lessons I need to cram into these next two years. Does she know how to change a tire or make a business call? Does she know how to fill out a tax form or how to cook chicken? Good grief, there are so many things to teach her.
And then I think of my son, who only just finished first grade. There are so many things to teach him too! Does he know how to ride a bike or how to tie his shoes? Does he know how to apologize correctly or how to look someone in the eye and speak politely? The list of lessons I need to teach is endless.
You can’t possibly teach your kids everything.
If you are like most moms, overwhelmed with all of the things you need to teach your kids, take a deep breath and go back to Scripture. We should really always be taking a deep breath and going back to Scripture, am I right? God’s word is useful for us, even today. In Deuteronomy, (the book of the Law for God’s people in the Old Testament), we find what is called “The Shema”, which is the Jewish confession of faith. It states,
Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 (ESV)
We focus on all the wrong things.
The thing is, we tend to focus on everything BUT this. We teach our kids to play soccer and to pour their own cereal and how to operate the washing machine. We teach them to be nice to lonely kids and to ask permission before eating a cookie and to pick their socks up off the floor. Most of us even teach our kids not to cuss and to be polite to their elders and to go to church on Sundays. We want so desperately for our kids to be good. But most of us struggle when it comes to teaching them the most important thing of all. We teach them to check off all the boxes of “goodness” and completely neglect the most basic lesson that God has commanded we teach our children.
Three Simple Ways to Teach Your Kids to Love the Lord
1. Impress Your Own Heart First
Whenever you take an airplane trip, you’ll hear the flight attendants remind you that if the cabin should lose pressure and the oxygen masks descend, you’ll need to secure your own mask before you help your kids. The same is true when it comes to loving the Lord. Many parents are so discouraged when their young adult children seem to walk away from the Lord after high school. Of course, our kids get to make their own choices, so there’s no magic potion to give them to prevent this. But the best course of action for you to take while your kids are still in your home to prevent them from walking away from the Lord is to heed the words of Deuteronomy 6 in the Shema yourself.
Sister, love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and strength before you ever try to teach your children to love Him. Put these words on your own heart before you ever try to teach them to your children. Now I know you might be thinking that it’s too late for you, that you’ve already messed up. You’ve focused too much on getting your kids to be good and not enough on loving the Lord yourself. Thank God, it doesn’t work that way. Begin right now to love the Lord out loud. Let your kids see you love him. Worship unashamedly. Pray out loud with them. Let them catch you reading your Bible. Invest time in your own relationship with the Lord and then you’ll be best equipped to share that love with your children, no matter how old they are.
2. Create an Atmosphere of Genuine Communication
What are your kids doing right now? Mine are watching a movie and playing iPads. It’s screen time here right now and I’m not about to tell you that you have to get rid of all of that. I know the beauty of the silence when all of the kids are glued to their devices. But something very troubling can happen very quickly if we’re not careful. Minutes pass, then hours. Before you know it, you only see your kids when they get hungry. Invisible walls go up in your home and even in your car. It’s not supposed to be that way.
So to start, you need to remember that your home is a place of connection for you and your husband and your children. Your home should be a place where you talk to your children, not just barking commands, but having genuine conversations. If you’re not having conversations with your children in your home and in your car, now is a good time to start doing that. So parents of tweens and teens, get them out of their rooms. Make them put their phones down and have conversations with the people in your house. Use these conversations to talk freely and openly about your relationship with the Lord, pointing out how God is working in your own life and in the life of your family. Turn off the devices, put away your to-do list. Just talk to your people.
(And a word for moms of littles…)
If you have young children, you’re probably dreaming of days when they’ll sit still and give you a minute of peace and quiet. Right now, chances are you do a lot of sitting with them, playing, reading books, rocking. Take advantage of all the sitting and cultivate a love for Jesus in them. Sing the songs with them and read them the children’s Bible stories. Do this in your house – don’t leave these lessons for the church to teach them. Remember, when they start growing up into their teenage years, you’ll probably begin to see less and less of them at home. They’ll spend a lot of time in their rooms or at their friend’s houses. Use this time when they’re little to build a relationship with them and let them begin to see you loving the Lord.
Don’t wait for quiet time to read your Bible. Open it up on the kitchen counter and read a verse or two while you make their sandwiches. Pray with them when they disobey. Play music that honors God in your home. Let them see that your love for the Lord is not reserved for the sanctuary at church, but is who you are in your daily life.
3. Keep The Main Thing, The Main Thing
It’s so easy to focus on teaching our kids right from wrong. While this is a necessary part of parenting, if we make it the main thing, we mislead our children. Re-read the Shema above. God never said, “Teach your children to be good.” He actually didn’t even say anything close to that here. He said to teach them that the Lord our God is one and to love Him with all their hearts, souls, and strength. We ought to be spending less time teaching our kids about them and more time teaching our kids about Him. God didn’t say teach them to make all the right choices and shelter them from all the bad things in the world. He said we need to teach them to love Him with everything in them.
The most effective way to teach them to love Him is first, to love Him yourself, and then communicate your love for Him in front of them. As you’re going, wherever you are, let them see you love Him. Resist the urge to let them pick it up by osmosis! Tell them why you’re singing so loudly and explain all the reasons you love Him. Encourage them to love Him too. They should be getting that message in your home far more often than they get the message to be good or to behave.
Then you’ll get to share the gospel.
So as you’re sitting at home, walking by the way, lying down, and rising, keep the main thing, the main thing. Before you teach them to obey, teach them to love Him. Don’t just teach them to be good, teach them to love Him. Instead of teaching them to check all the boxes of things they can and cannot do, teach them to love Him. The most important thing you can teach your children is to love the Lord their God with all their hearts, with all their minds, and with all their strength. Once they understand how much He loves them back, they’re in a perfect place to receive the good news of the gospel.
Long ago when God gave the Shema to His chosen people, commanding them to love Him, He knew that they would need a Savior. His people loved Him, but they messed up all the time. Sounds awfully familiar, right? They could never be good enough and had to constantly offer sacrifices for their sin. The plan all along was for God to send Jesus to save us all from our sin. Now that Jesus has come, we not only get to teach our children to love the Lord but offer them the hope of salvation! More on that next time at The Strong Home!
Check out more ways to grow godly kids!
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